It’s that time of the year. Movember.

Anyone who has ever grown a moustache knows there are some key milestones in its growth, and anyone who has seen Movember come and go before will know that it, too, has its key moments.

But for the uninitiated in the ways of growing and wearing a mo’, here is a handy timetable that I have prepared…

Oct 31: Last full shave

Nov 4: Action-Hero stubble day

Nov 7: First shave to begin shaping and defining the mo’. This is when the  TYPE of mo’ you aim for begins to take place.

Nov 15: After two weeks, your mo’ is now long enough to catch food in it

Nov 16: This is about when you discover that your mo’ is now long enough to catch food in it…

Nov 17: Time to trim and shape the mo into something near it’s final form. It’s ok if you stuff it up, because even a bad mo’ looks suitable on a pornstar!

Nov 18: Pornstar mo’ day. (18 is legal, right?

Nov 23-30: In the final week of Movember, imagine that you’re in a tacky 70s cop show every time you see a policeman with a mo’. (as bonus: this experience can be shared by everyone, be they mo’ endowed or not).

Nov 30 at 10pm: Completely shave off the mo’

…10 minutes later: Enjoy the feeling of air on your clean upper lip. Also, enjoy that your partner is likely to want to kiss you for the first time this month…